Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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