Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
