Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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