How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
