She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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