Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
