I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
