I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
