Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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