Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
