Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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