im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
