i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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