If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
