Need sex. Gaining weight.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
