So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
