i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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