Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(563): View more from Iowa

Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?

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(310): View more from California

...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

he thanks me after handjobs.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

you found the perfect man.

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(416): View more from Toronto

He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

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(925): View more from California

First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.

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(510): View more from California

Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead

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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill

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