I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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