you guys were way drunker than both of me
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
