We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize