yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
