Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
