I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
