I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize