It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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