fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
