Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
