Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
