Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
