and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
