I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
tell me about the eggs
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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