This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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