I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
