She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
