So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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