so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
