Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
