Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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