Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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