So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
