It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
