bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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