Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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