Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
