I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
