her vagine was all disorganized.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
