either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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