Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
