im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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