I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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