I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
