I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
