Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
