i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize