It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
