there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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