speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize