If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
