these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
