I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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