I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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