Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize