another moral hangover. fuck.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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