It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
