I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
