The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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