And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
