I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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